How to Talk with An Authoritarian Mother Essay Example For Students

How to Talk with An Authoritarian Mother Essay How hard is it to discuss a trip plan with my mom? You dont want to know. When I was preparing to take the SAT test, some of my friends and I hoped we could fly to Hong Kong together. Therefore our parents could save their time and we could have some freedom as well. I thought about the plan seriously and thoroughly before I came to discuss it with my mom, but I was still anxious. I knew it would not have a happy ending. I picked one day, when everything was going well. My mom appeared to be in a good mood. I washed some fruits and took them to my moms room, sat on the sofa next to her, and said, Mom, some of my friends plan to go to HK with me to take the SAT test. We can book the flight and the hotel together. I think it is convenient and economic for us. Can I go with them? , I asked with trepidation. She replied almost without thinking, No, you cannot go there by yourself. It is dangerous. Moreover, the SAT test is so important that we cannot take any risks. Have you considered the accidents and the worst-case scenario? What if you lose your luggage in the airport? What if some bad guy molests you? What if you miss your admission ticket or your passport? What if you cant fall asleep the night before the exam?   All the time, she found me still her little girl, needing her protection and concern. But she didnt realize that I was already 16, although not an adult, I still need some independence and respect. Deep in my heart, I knew she meant for my own well being, but I felt hurt and upset by her distrust and overprotection. Stepping into the parents shoes, I could understand her concern and love, which I would also show to my kids in the future. I also knew that it could hurt her feelings if I did not obey her. However, I didnt want to be an ordinary good girl. I wanted to become a strong independent young woman. Thats why I didnt compromise and decided to fight for my independence in this matter. I think if my mom had admitted that I had grown up and considered my suggestions seriously instead of rejecting them without thinking, I would have been more open to her concerns and advices. I was a little unhappy due to her objection and argued, I am not going to HK by myself; I am going there with my friends. They have experience of going to HK and we can take care of each other. I think it is a good way to train my independence and develop relationship with my friends who are also to American colleges. I tried to clarify my intention in this conversation and pursue her by reasonable argument. I admit that I was defensive because I already assumed her intention were to reject me, as she usually did. My defense made her more defensive and angry. She wanted to show her authority over me but I resisted. Such a vicious circle kept happening between my mom and I. She was too obstinate to admit her fault, while I knew that I was too weak to make qualitative changes. But I didnt give up. My strategy was to just influence her gradually and help  her realize that I had grown up. She became impatient and annoyed, as if I was acting against her on purpose. She said, No way. I will work on my schedule and accompany you to HK. The test is the most important right now. You can develop relationship with your friends in other normal ways, such as studying together, not playing together.   I was infuriated and felt humiliated by her authority and assert. Didnt I know that the SAT test is crucial for my college application,  I thought. Mccarthyism And The Crucible EssayThis behavior not only disrespected me and hurt my feelings, but also prevented her from communicating with me and understanding what happened. However, I did not understand my mom comprehensively either. Even though I said that I understood what she did was for my own good, I used my ego as an excuse to not really consider her concerns. But I should have been aware that in her perspective, I am a teenage girl who had no experience of going to HK or leaving parents for more than one day. She loved me so much that she would try her best to protect me, even if she knew if would hurt my feelings. That is the love and selfishness of every mom in the world, it may have limits, but we cannot blame or try to correct it. So simply fighting for independence could only hurt each of us more without solving the real problem. My mom wanted to see that I am strong and mature enough to take care of myself. If both of us had listened to each others stories without judging and neglecting, the conversation could have had less tension and focused on the main problem of how can I go to Hong Kong safely and whether I am mature enough. As a result, each of us could have been more easily satisfied. Furthermore, we did not deal with the feeling conversation well (Tone, Patton, Heem, Ch. 5). My mom did not care about my feelings, at least not as much as she cared about my safety. I also did not understand my moms worry and concern about me. I should have been aware of her feelings of losing her child and taken care of her emotion. One reason I avoided the feeling conversation was that she, as well as many Chinese traditional parents, could not put herself into her childrens shoes. She believed in the authority of parents and consisted on her rules and ideas, which made the children feel disrespected. Another reason is she was more emotional than I was. If we got involved in feeling conversation, it would be hard to let it go and discuss the real problem. I think it is important for the parent to encourage their children to express their feelings and respect their feelings. Because little kids are very sensitive, once their emotional appeals are not satisfied, it is easy to result in a barrier of expressing true feelings. Such barrier between parents and children are easy to build, but hard to break. Finally, I would like to say that it is really hard for the short side, such as the child to improve our conversation without the cooperation of the dominator, such as the parents. However, there are still things to do to make tiny changes. If we keep working on improving the conversation in the family, we will succeed one day and appreciate the every step helps us move forward. But, I would also like to call for the parents to contribute their efforts to the harmonious communication in the family.